i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
