I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
