I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
