He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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