Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
