just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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