we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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