Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
