i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
