he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Never joke about your clitoris.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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