that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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