Im at strip club and am horny
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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