my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
