You're completely useless in the revolution.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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