Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
