Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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