Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
