the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Come share oat with me in your robe
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
