Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize