didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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