you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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