she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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