It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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