i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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