thus making me awesome and them whores
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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