Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
