Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
