I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
