I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
