Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
