This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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