oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
