She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
