Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize