you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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