Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
