I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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