she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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