I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
