My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
