The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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