Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You're like the curious george of whores
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
