I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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