thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
