I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
