every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
