i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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