the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
