I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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