I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
where are my eyebrows?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize