This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
