if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
