You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
