Will you blow on my dice?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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