You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
