I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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