You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
