If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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