From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
