No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
