I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
