At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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