My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
