we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
