you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
