Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
