I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
