I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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