Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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