We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize