do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize