i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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