I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My pussy is not your playground.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
