i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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