some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
